Dirty Dozen Tip #4: IGNORE THE NEEDS OF YOUR CUSTOMERS*

As maintenance professionals, you interact with other departments and personnel who depend on you to keep their equipment and processes in good condition. If you ignore them, they are helpless, and it can be really funny to observe them jumping around in frustration when they get nothing from you. They may treat you like a servant, but you do have some power over them.

There are many ways to ignore the needs of your customers, but here are a few gems:

• When you get a call for help because some equipment failed, drink one more cup of coffee before you amble down to assess the situation. It’s not like they can call someone else, right?
• When you work on equipment, don’t waste your time communicating that the job is done. If you do, all you are going to get is a bunch of questions, somebody checking your work, and they’ll probably ask you to stick around to assist with startup. No thanks. Fix it fast, and then beat it back to the shop.
• Stay off the floor as much as you can. Someone will call you when they need help. Otherwise, stay out of sight, and keep your head down.
• It’s best to avoid learning at all times. If you gain new skills, the next thing you know, people will expect you to use them. Pretty soon, they will be bothering you constantly. In fact, it’s a good idea to pretend you know even less than you do. That way, if you get a request to help, you can just say, “Sorry, I don’t know much about this. Maybe someone else would be a better choice.” It is a masterpiece if the whole department can do this in unison, so nothing can get done.

Tune in next week as we continue to expose the secret lives of seriously disturbed maintenance “professionals” with…

The Dirty Dozen Tip #5: Don’t Plan Anything, or Make Rotten, Useless Plans

Thank you for joining us for a little fun with reactive maintenance mayhem. All kidding aside, we are proud to share our proven SystemRxM^TM program with you. Using our proprietary SmartSequencing^TM algorithm, your high performance maintenance program will come together in record time.

In 2008, Dave authored the first remotely coached Maintenance Process Optimization Program to help maintenance professionals battle the invisible system behind the scenes that, if left unchecked, undermines production and reliability.

We know how hard you are working to optimize your Maintenance Process…work smarter with SystemRxM^TM.

*All items or stories on this website regarding how to wreck your maintenance or reliability program are fictitious. We are using humor as a method to parody how programs and systems claim something positive but are doing the opposite. The purpose of said stories is to entertain and amuse and not to disparage any persons, or institutions, in any way and no malice is intended toward anyone or anything, nor should any be construed from the satirically based stories and fake news items. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental or is intended purely as a satire, parody or spoof of such persons and is not intended to communicate any true or factual information about that person. We believe our results show that we do have a system that consistently brings positive results when applied with our SmartSequencing™ algorithm. Please contact us if you want help getting your program producing the results you want.